On Coping Depression

My thoughts on depression and why its becoming so prevalent in our society.

We are losing the ability to establish meaningful relationships through struggle and using effective people skills. Before cars, planes, phones, and the internet made the world small our possibilities for relationships was limited to a usually small group of people in a small geographic area. My best friend was going to be my neighbor because he was the ONLY option. If we didn't get along naturally we worked it out. If I didn't get along with my wife divorce wasn't really an option on the table so I knew I had to work through it. Possible prospects for a mate were much less. Now there are so many options for friends and mates that after the decision is made we are less satisfied with our choice because we are foregoing so many desirable alternatives. ( see The Paradox of Choice ) Establishing relationships is extremely satisfying to the human soul, the strongest and most meaningful ones being born out of adversity.

Too much free time is detrimental to happiness. It used to be that in order to survive humans had to work their butts off. Hunting, gathering, farming, difficult manual labor in order to feed a family and provide survival essentials are all really very satisfying. That feeling of aaahhh a job well done was experienced all the time. People felt needed and accomplished. They were also working so hard they didn't have time to think about being depressed or how crappy their lives were. Now a days we get can get by with minimal effort (school) or even leach off of society if we really want to. It seams like the ultimate ideal of our society is free time. But what do we do with our free time? We waste it. Video games, mindless internet surfing, TV, doing nothing with friends, all of these things aren't in and of themselves bad (and they're great distractions) but when we fill up our lives with them we leave no room for satisfying and meaningful pursuits.

Our exposure to the world-wide community throws off our reference points by which we measure accomplishment and denies us identity. In a community of 1000 people if I have any decent amount of talent at sports, art, humor, math, writing, hunting, whatever then odds are you are the best or one of the best in your community. You think you're the funniest person in the world. People recognize your talent and appreciate you for it. You identify yourself as the great writer, singer etc. You have identity accomplishment and purpose. Now a days we are over exposed to the worlds best in our talents. Suddenly, we suck. And so we feel like we suck.

There's only so much room at the top and on the world-wide stage our talents are often insignificant. Our accomplishments seem petty and small when other people are fighting aids in africa, writing new york times best sellers and competing in the olympics.

Capitalist culture promotes selfishness and inhibits service. Nothing is more satisfying to human beings then serving other people. Spending time in a hospital, homeless shelter, in Africa, tutoring, or building up community organizations makes you feel GREAT. It puts your own troubles in perspective, makes you feel normal like everyone else has problems too(they do). Don't buy in when society tells you that new computer, iphone or powerboat will make you happy. It won't. Finding someone else who NEEDS that money and offering it to them, now that makes a person happy. Letting other people serve you is very satisfying as well.

As depression becomes more normal and acceptable we feel more justified in remaining depressed. We think its not our fault that we're depressed so we don't have to do anything to overcome it. I know that there are biological and chemical causes to depression but I do not think its something thats completely outside our control. My feeling on it in most cases (not a scientist) is that certain people are and always have been born with a genetic pre-disposition to depression. That does not necessarily mean that they ever become depressed if it weren't for their choices and societal pressures. If a person has that disposition then thats a struggle they have to fight. Other people have other struggles some greater some smaller. Thats just life.

So whats the solution? Remove yourself from or build up an immunity to these social pressures.

Work at your relationships with others. Build up good friends. Learn to love and appreciate them even through difficult times.

-Fill up your free time with worth-while endeavors. Learn, write a book, develop a skill. Find a cause personally meaningful to you and throw yourself into it.

-Learn to not judge yourself by the light of other people's accomplishments. Don't compare! Your accomplishments are not relative they are your own and meaningful not because other people are less accomplished but because of the personal growth you've experienced. It might also help to pick a niche interest and find a small community of people that share it.

-Go help someone. Every day. The boyscout motto is "do a good turn daily". Make a calendar, I don't know however you want to do it. Learn to look for ways to help people. People need help all around you and you just don't see it because you're not looking. Serve people.

-Realize that this is a struggle you have. Accept it. Come to terms with it. Now realize that everyone else in the entire world has problems too. You're fortunate, this is one you can overcome. Take control of your life and change it. You will fail, but who cares. Fail cheerfully, get back up and keep going. Its the movement and effort that will cure you not the destination.

We're all in this together.

P.S: I realize much of my post may be overly nostalgic about "past times", but I do think that depression is a much larger problem than it ever has been and these are the reasons why.

/edit- I should clarify that I'm mainly speaking to people who have a form of treatable clinical depression or to people who are just depressed.